i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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