Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
