ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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