i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
