I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize