Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
