Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
