I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
