Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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