If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize