How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
