The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
