There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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