Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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