why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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