If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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