hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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