she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
