what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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