The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
