Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
