So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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