Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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