we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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