Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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