If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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