I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
