No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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