Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
