And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
