I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
