If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
