so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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