Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
