i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hippo gnu deer
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
50% drunk capacity currently
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
