Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
