I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
