she was so not down for the gang bang
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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