i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The best revenge is premature balding
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
