Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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