just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
