The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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