God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
