The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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