Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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