Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
