I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
