I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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