The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
