Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize