take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
