Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Please don't give away my fajitas
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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