Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
