mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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