weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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