I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
