i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
