Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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