SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
