dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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