She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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