dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize