I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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