It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize