she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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