Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
