There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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