We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
