I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
