I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize