she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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